Wake Up Calls
The other day I was wondering when the last time was that I woke up with the kids, because they needed an adult to be awake with them.
Was it in Westbury? In our old house? Was it here, over the summer as we settled and adjusted in to our new house? I’m not sure.
What I do know is that we have clearly moved in to a “new phase of parenting” as Matt put it. Emilio and Ava wake up together, and let us sleep. They’re responsible and safe kids. They don’t get in to things they shouldn’t. They know where food is if they’re hungry.
It is lovely.
Last weekend I slept until 8:30 both days. How decadent for me. And frankly it makes me even more sure of moving beyond the baby days of parenthood. Don’t get me wrong, I love babies. However, I’m completely sure of being done having my own babies.
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This week left me feeling exhausted. I’m not sick any more. I’m exercising. I’m excited about what I’m working on at work right now. There weren’t any “late nights”. I was simply, zonked (a word of my parents that I’ve picked up). Maybe it is my cycle. Maybe it is the new moon. Whatever it was, I was worn the fuck out.
Ava and Emilio both woke up way too early multiple days this week. And sure, they left us alone, but the evening time, our time together, was full of meltdowns and frustrations and not fun.
The week had clearly caught up to Ava last night and she was basically crying from 6:00-7:00 when she passed out in her bed.
At one point I was carrying her football style, naked, to get her showered. Sure, I could have skipped it for both our sanity, but she was covered in rice she had tried to reject at dinner. For the record she told me this morning she would not try to move her food off her plate, but she still hates chicken.
I climbed in to bed around 10:00 and the next thing I knew Ava was making her way in to the bed next to me. It was probably around 6, 6:30 and I just let it happen. She needed to reconnect after the night before. Around 7:00 it was clear we were both up.
I lay on my pillow, looking at her face on the pillow next to me. She was refreshed. Happy. Her blue eyes sparkling in the morning light. Her blonde hair, long, messy, laying all around her. I looked at her for a few minutes. We watched each others’ faces and I thought, “This is what it’s all about.”
Connection with these small complicated beings that I birthed, and together with Matt, we’ve raised.
I didn’t feel that tired, so I got up with her. I wanted to.
And I’m feeling more rested than I have all week.
Later in the morning Ava sat with her legs crossed and said, “I don’t want to do anything.” So I said, ‘Do you want to cuddle?” And not surprisingly Emilio said, “I do!” and there I found myself on the couch with both these small people cuddled on me.
It felt like exactly where I was supposed to be. Exactly where I am.
