Walking solidly on the ground that does not exist below me

This is going to be a year of change. 

Not just for me, I think there are going to be some major changes and upgrades for a lot of people this year. 

But for me it will as well. 

And boy am I already feeling it. 

I entered this week drained, fighting a cold and frankly kind of miserable. 

Not a good way to start the week. And I cannot believe it is only Thursday.

Mind set controls so much. 

I rarely get sick. And this Winter season I've now been sick three times, basically back to back. 

I'm telling myself this is good change, that it is what makes sense, that I can embrace the groundlessness that comes with changes, and soar. 

I'm narrating a story that isn't quite true. And my body is revolting. 

Because it means I'm not eating in alignment with what I need. 

It means I'm not sleeping as deeply as I need to. 

All my energy and motivation is being targeted to staying afloat, instead of actually walking solidly on the ground that does not exist below me. 

So, I'm giving in. I'm recognizing and talking about what is actually going on. 

I can be scared.

I can be anxious.

I can be not quite sure. 

And that's okay. 

I'm sick of being sick and I want to address what is really going on. 

I finally felt my cold clear yesterday and the pain in my neck and back finally faded. I got on my spin bike and sweat it out for 45 minutes. 

I "cooked" lunch for friends, and then dinner for my family and prepped a meal for tonight too. 

I ran this morning. 

I'm going to bed earlier. 

I'm getting back in to a stable groove that will help carry me through instability. 

This is a lesson in letting go, but it also has to be a lesson in self care, and I don't mean in the way instagram celebrities talk about self care. 

I mean paying attention to what you need and what works for you and doing it. 

I mean actually taking care of yourself even when it takes some hard work. 

I mean caring about your needs and fulfilling them. Whether you do it, or ask for help. 

This is going to be a year of change. Get comfortable, and then let yourself get uncomfortable.