A babe in my bed
Earlier this week someone posted on a crunchy parents board I'm on about co-sleeping. "Give me your opinions" she said.
I couldn't help myself.
"I think as very young infants there is a biological need to stay close to the source of food and safety so to me there is a natural element of it. I also think it is important for every family and child to do what works for them and when I say that I'm very much speaking about the child too. Pay attention to babe's cues. Do they sleep better next to you? Then do that. Do they squirm and seem unsatisfied sleeping near you? Then change it. And there are so many gentle and safe ways to do either sleeping in the same bed, sleeping away from each other, etc. Lastly don't do what other people tell you to do, do what works for you."
The best pieces of advice I got before I gave birth to Emilio were from two dear old friends. Both of them mothers. The first was, "Sleep with your baby." and the second was, "Do what works for you, you know your baby best." At first I scoffed at the sleep with your baby advice. I didn't think it would be for me. I wanted my sleep, I didn't want to set bad habits, it just didn't seem to be what would make sense for me. But then I paid attention to what I wanted, what my newborn son wanted and responded to his needs and mine. It took months to get to there, but once I realized we were all happier with him in the same bed, I went with it. And for three years he was there. And then for several months after he found his way there in the middle of the night. Ava started in bed with me from day 1.
Sleeping with my babies has been one of the treasured parts of parenting for me. Climbing in to bed at night and having that small, soft, warm body breathing next to me feels safe. Feels like I'm where I'm supposed to be.
And then I reach a point where I know it is time to transition. Where I know it makes sense for both of us.
Ava ran up the stairs last night to see her new bed all set up. She climbed right in and wanted to take a nap immediately.
I explained a nap at 5:30 at night wasn't really feasible. She spent the next 15 minutes setting up things in her room and making it her own. She was excited about going to sleep in her bed last night. She had been telling people for weeks about sleeping in her own bed soon.
At 2:30 in the morning I felt something on my foot, and looked over the bed to see her standing next to me smiling. I put out my arms and she climbed up and settled between Matt and me.
No crying, no screaming from her room. Calmly coming back to what she's used to. Where she is most secure.
It is a transition.
We will get there (with a sticker chart).
When she is in the bed smushed up against me, with her feet shoved under me, she still feels a bit like my baby. So I'll take it for now.
She is the last baby in my bed afterall.
