Ava - 4
Ava,
You turn 4 today.
Every night I quietly open the door to your room and check on you. I listen for your breathing. I watch your growing body move softly in sleep. And I marvel. At how big you are now. At how much growing you’ve done in 4 years, but even in the last few months.
In the last year you’ve weathered enormous change for such a small girl. And you’ve done it with grace, presence and honesty. A model for us all.
It can’t be easy being the youngest. (I wouldn’t know, I’m the oldest) and you show up every day ready to be fully a part of this family unit regardless of age or status.
You draw people in with your magnetism. A mixture of presence, leadership, confidence and humor.
Whatever you want to be, you are. Fully. You grasp context better than many adults and are quick to provide the accurate answers that people are seeking.
And, you are still very much a growing human. You still find me in the night, or early morning and need to be snuggled next to my body to feel safe. You still want to be picked up and held when you’re tired, sad or just feeling like you need connection. You still tell me you need a grown-up to lay with you as you get ready to fall asleep each night.
And, you amaze me with your ability to both be mature and independent while being a young child. You can have me read you the BFG and not be scared or worried at all about the core story line of 50 foot giants eating children and then at dinner need to hold on to my arm the entire meal, or have our chairs touching because you need to. You interrupt me also nightly as I’m telling you a story to tell me what the story line should be, but then as I continue on you suck your thumb and reach for my hair.
Since you were a baby you’ve been an expert mimic. You pick up what you want and make it your own and you continue to shine in that role, and use it to your advantage. You want to be in charge, so you act like the teachers at school and they put you in charge of the kids that need a little extra coaching and attention. You want to be the good student, so when you hear us tell Emilio not to do something you are quick to remind us that you are already not doing said thing.
You march around our house like you own it, tell jokes with the best of them and show off your basketball skills to guests.
However, when you make a mistake it is devastating and so we’re working on you being ok with messing up. Because girl, it happens and it is ok!
You are a confident gymnast and I already see that you need more of a challenge there. The teachers race to keep up with you. You ask me daily to sign you up for ballet. You wow me and many others with your expressiveness in art and your ability to draw something accurately after looking at a picture of it.
I remember the day you were born so clearly. Walking around our old neighborhood in Long Island. Squatting in to my contractions in the back yard. Laying in our guest room with candles lit letting my body do the work it needed to do. Laying in the tub and feeling the soothing warmth of the water around me, knowing you would be here soon. Transitioning in the waiting room of NUMC and then the feeling of your waters breaking as I stood waiting for a bed. I remember how hard I had to work to push you out because you had turned to face up. You were ready to see the world, to take on life in this world before you even had entered it. I remember how quickly you flew out once I’d moved you to the place you needed to be. I remember you on my chest and the sounds you made as you greeted us all. Before you even entered the world I knew you’d be special, but in that moment I was so sure you were going to fill our lives up even more than we had imagined. And you have.
Last night I told you the story of your birth, and then your life so far and when I was done you turned to me. You looked at me and said, “She was supposed to stay a baby in the story!”
And that my dear is who you are. Firm in what you want. Not afraid to speak your mind. And absolutely in charge.
Happy Birthday Ava, even if it isn’t 9:30pm yet.
I love you!
